Q: We've been married/dating for some time and our sex life has gotten a little boring or lackluster.  How can I/we spice up our love life and have some fun?  Or are we destined to be old, boring, missionary only kinda people?

A.  While there isn't really anything wrong with missionary, I mean it works right? I totally get where you're coming from.  So I went researching and put together these 10 things you can try to spice things up.

But first and foremost the most important thing (not included in the list, it's that important) is to communicate!  It would be terrible if you think your sex life is bland and your partner thinks its the best thing since sliced bread.  So talk about your desires and fantasies together.  If it pains you to have a face to face conversation because you're not really sure if your partner is on the same fantasy page, check out We Should Try It.  It's a great site that lets you and your partner take a sex questionnaire and it'll only show the results of the things you're both into.  So your desire to participate in an orgy can stay secretive.  Plus, it's free.


1. Bondage

Thanks to 50 Shades of Gray, BDSM has come out of the dark a little bit.  While discussing how poorly the relationship was done can be saved for another time, what the books and movie did do was open up a line of communication for something a little more frisky in the bedroom.

Start simple, use some ties or furry handcuffs to keep your hands together.  Progress to under the bed restraints or even bondage tape for a myriad of fun.

2. Spanking

Bend over.  I dare you.  Spanking isn't just for misbehaving (though....that's fun too!).  Keep it on the light side - more sensual if you will - to begin with.  Alternate smacks with some finger exploration and you'll be hot and bothered in no time.  When you start doing your taxes, it's time to graduate spanking levels.  Aim for something a little harder or move beyond just a hand.  There are tons of toys out there made specifically for spanking.  I'd consider a soft flogger or paddle as your next step.  Always remember though, keep your spanking BELOW the peek of the butt so you don't damage the kidneys or tailbone.

3. Role Play

This is a little cliche but really, it can be fun.  Whether you go the traditional schoolgirl route (see #2) or try a little cops & robbers, really committing to a role play can both be really funny and really sexy.  Create a new persona and act it out!

4. Watch Porn Together

Go visit some online sites (ahhh the plethora of free porn online these days - just make sure your virus software is up to date if you wander beyond the known sites) and pick out something to watch.  I'd suggest each of you pick one thing and watch both - this is a good way to start introducing fantasies and testing the waters of interest.  You can just watch or you can watch and mimic the actors and try to recreate your own scene.

5. Have Sex Somewhere New

How many rooms are in your house?  How many have you had sex in?  Yep, go get those boxes checked off.  

Always going to the bed?  At least try to mix it up with a sofa.  Counters.  Washers (spin cycle!).  The floor (watch the rug burns).

6. Invite A Friend

This one requires communication.  You really can't just bring a friend home and suggest a threesome.  Well, you can, but I can't imagine it's going to go as well as it does in the movies or porn.  It can be done, but all parties need to be on board and in communication so there's no hurt feelings or jealousy issues.

7. Download An App

There is literally an app for everything.  Check out the app/play store for a myriad of apps that will help you pick a random sex position.  Leave your fate to something like iKamasutra Lite that can help you try out something new.  Might I suggest you both do a little stretching before you begin?  Don't want ya pulling something.

8. Sext

Depending on your love language, you might find the 'written' word is a good turn on.  Whether it's him texting you what he's going to do you when he gets home or you sending a topless bathroom selfie on his lunch, texting each other can be a great way to start that simmer early on so it's boiling by the time you meet up.  This can also work really well for long distance relationships.  If phone sex isn't your thing, maybe writing it out is easier?

Take this is a step further and write each other stories!  Check out a site like Literotica for story inspiration.  Or - find a story you like and send it on as an idea starter.

9. Go Outside

Ok, we live in the desert.  Pretty much everything is out to kill us - but there are some places you can escape to.  (NOTE: I'm not advocating breaking the law here)  Take a drive and get it on in the backseat.....just like high school.  Road head anyone?  If this is still a little extreme for your liking, or you just really don't like handcuffs that much, be a little more discrete - let your hand wander and get each other amped up on the drive.  But keep your eyes on the road.

10. Toys

This is like an entire blog post in itself (another time, alas), but when you're out of ideas, toys never are.  Toys for you, for him, for both.  If you are having trouble relaxing during intimate periods, I'd highly suggest finding yourself a favorite vibrator and work on your relaxation alone.   If you don't know where to start, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to provide some guidance.  If you just want to jump in, check out the Unbound Box from Unbound.NYC.  It's a quarterly subscription box filled with adult goodies.  Typically there's a toy, lube, and other goodies - well worth it!

You should also check out my monthly Top 10.  This is a selection of fun products that changes monthly and ranges from goodies for her to him to just fun random stuff.  But act fast!  I can't promise it'll be there when you come back.....

What's your favorite way to spice things up?  Share in the comments!